Meeting Christ in Prison
When I first came to AA in 1976 in a California Prison, I was an
atheist. In fact, I had called myself an atheist since a very
young age. I can remember going to a childhood friends house and
trying to convince him that Catholicism was all wrong.
In fact, his Dad was a little disturbed that I was doing it and that I
was so convincing.
My first AA meeting was about 1975 and it was that same childhood
friend who took me, realizing, of course, I had a problem as well as
him. I attended only one that year. In fact, I was so disruptive to
the meeting they shut it down, something I have not seen again since
then. As they say, some are sicker than others.
But meetings began in earnest in 1976 while locked up at the
Califorina Rehabiliation Center. I attended every weekly meeting which
was a speaker meeting. Many of the AA's were long time time, some over
30 years. Of course, that would have made them AA pioneers. And the meetings were good.
Very good sometimes.
And I liked the meetings. CRC is a place to rehabilitate narcotics
addicts, although some have drinking problems. I had always been a
very heavy drinker. Sometimes I would fix and then go down to the
liquour store and buy a beer and throw up. Most of the other addicts
were content to fix, but I also wanted my alcohol. In fact, there had
been times when I substituted my drug problem with alcohol only.
During those times, I was a very heavy daily drinker, usually ending
up drunk. Because I liked the meetings, I used to make announcements
about them on the black board at the dorm. As a consequence of that,
they started calling me "the grape". Something I didnt particularly
like.
One day one of the other addicts in the dorm (an aspiring Christian)
asked me if the people that came to the meetings believed in God. I
had been to enough meetings to realize that most of the speakers did
and, if fact, that was a large part of their message. Most but not
all. Others were merely just struggling drunks. The same fellow asked
me if I believe in God.
I was confronted by the question. Even though I had always identified
my self as an atheist, I had suffered enough and heard enough that I
was willing to be more open minded.
I replied " I dont know".
So the aspiring Christians said to me, 'Oh, you just dont know
yet,There is nothing wrong with that"
Somehow , through suffering, I had gone from a place of belligernt
denial of the existence of God to a place where
I was willing to say " I didnt know" which was honest. Now that may
not mean much to you but it was the beginning for
me. So coming to believe in God for me was at first just abandoning my
atheist beliefs and coming to a place where I admitted I didnt know.
In fact, I asked one of the speakers at an early meeting if I belonged
there since I didnt believe in God. His response was
"I think there is a place for atheists in AA" which I now think was a
pretty good answer.
source: http://christianrecovery.blogspot.com/
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